5 Questions You Might Ask Yourself Post-College

A wonderful mentor of mine once lifted the curtain on what post-grad life is like. She laid out truth, that it isn't perfect or smooth, telling me that she struggled as much as the next grad to adjust to life outside the security of a university. Thankfully, her honesty gave me a jump start in processing post-grad life, something I hope to share with anyone who is in their senior year or just graduated. Here are questions I asked, and think of you might have as well.

1. Why isn't it working?

If you went to a college similar to mine, you left feeling inspired, encouraged, and equipped. Something about getting A's and nods from professors creates the illusion that you can achieve anything—with a little hard work of course. While this is not a bad ambition, it can lead to false conclusions and paralyzing questions.

[Photo cred: my husband. I recently posted my thoughts on this issue here.]

Graduation is a momentous occasion, marking the culmination of an individual's conquer of significant trials. But, for the most part, those achievements were easy to find and complete. The challenge was laid out in the first syllabus you received. Unfortunately, life beyond the educational system does not provide such a road map. Instead, popular culture will tell you to make something of yourself, work your connections, build a presence, and work work work. [Thanks, Rihanna for saying what we all needed to dance to]

Don't be fooled. No amount of hard work and networking will land you the perfect (dream) job. While these things are not wrong or harmful, putting your faith in these things will lead to anxiety, stress, and disappointment. Instead of faulting the system when you end up working at Carl's Jr. instead of The New York Times, remember Who is leading you in the first place.

As Christians, walking forward is the only thing we know we are supposed to do. Trust God's leading, without a 5-year-plan (which personally I find kinda ridiculous and impossible—who can know five years from now anyway?) or guarantees of a particular future. Work with what you have, do what's in front of you, and give everything up to God every day, all day. He blesses obedience, I promise.

2. How do I catch my illusive dream job?

I am not speaking from the experience of having the dream job. In fact, my first job out of college was actually kinda crappy. I worked in an office, answered phones, updated paperwork, filed—mainly I sat in a rolly office chair for eight hours a day so that I could be paid; not what a budding English major might have imagined. But I learned something working in this small, unfeeling office that I won't soon forget: my job does not have to define me.

As a student (and one who cared about good grades and her education) for so many years, much of who I was was tied to what I spent the majority of my time doing: school. My relationships, mental space, down time, first jobs—heck, even my sleeping and eating schedule—revolved around my education. Again, this is part of college and not an inherently bad thing. But it is something that will—has to—change out of school. If I let my life continue to be defined by my work, I become a dull, nonsensical, stressed-out professional. If I choose to value the life that work allows me to live outside business hours, I am a relaxed, loved, joyful individual.

All this is to say, finding a dream job would probably be really cool, and some people will find that eventually, but as Solomon said so well,

"There is something else meaningless that occurs on earth: the righteous who get what the wicked deserve, and the wicked who get what the righteous deserve. This too, I say, is meaningless. So I commend the enjoyment of life, because there is nothing better for a person under the sun than to eat and drink and be glad. Then joy will accompany them in their toil all the days of the life God has given them under the sun" (Ecclesiastes 8:14-15). 

If your chief concern is finding contentment in your workplace—respect, creative freedom, a great boss, best friend co-workers, etc.—you will always be looking. Instead, look for a contented life outside of toil alone. Often, that contentment bleeds into your workplace anyway, showing up unexpectedly like joy always does.

3. How do people do this?

Honestly, I don't think anyone really know what their supposed to be doing. I think people just start heading in one direction and see where it takes them. I took the first job I was offered outside of college because I was getting married in three months and needed to pay rent. My decision, as I assume many people's, came from necessity. While at the time that was a good financial decision, only three months later I was offered a different job in a completely different field. Was this second job more of what God had for me than the first? I don't think so. I think God has used both jobs in my life to care for me physically (paychecks are necessary) and spiritually (I could write reams on how God has grown my faith through hard work and patience—but for now I'll stick to this). Don't be afraid of making the wrong decision and foiling God's plan for your life. Trust His leadership and know that you can always start over or change course.

I've said it before, but I'll say it again because 1) I think its true and 2) my very wise husband said it first: I think God is far more concerned with posture of your heart than the circumstances of your life. 

[True contentment is found in sharing rice and beans three times a week.]

Don't fall prey to the illusion that anyone has it figured on the first try. No one does. Look to God's character and know Him as your Shepherd—the rest will come together.

4. Where do I start? 

I started with a resume.

Not only will you need one for almost every job you apply for (come on Sprouts, I thought we were cooler than that), but it serves as a bit of a confidence boost when you are blindly surfing the tidal waves of job opportunities. Just about every job description asks for someone just like you but with far more qualifications that you could possibly be expected to have. Reflect instead on the things you have accomplished—projects, good grades, that relationship you nurtured that can now recommend you for the job. Job hunting can make you feel insignificant and unqualified. But know that you will find work eventually, it just takes time.

Next, try LinkedIn. They have great jobs and will help you understand how to market yourself professionally (although don't worry about this too much; your best Advocate is working for you regardless of your online profiles). Also, I found Glassdoor super helpful when a job didn't list a salary. Just resources to help you begin.

[Also, there is no shame in Googling the answers to anything. I found my first resume template, cover letter, and letter of resignation online. Works like a dream.]

5. Will life always be like this?

Life outside of college is radically different from life in college for one simple reason: it is uncharted. You have never been there before and the change can feel daunting. Two months of job hunting without luck or feeling stuck in a dead-end job will point to the difficult truth that "real life" will not offer the constant relief from the mundane that college can. I'm talking about new subjects every hour, last-minute trips to the beach when homework becomes mind-numbing, and a new crop of potential friends every semester. Compared to that, life out of college can feel pretty monotonous.

But remember that life will not always feel like this. Life will never always be like anything. Life is full of change (good and hard), opportunities, and the unexpected. It only remains stagnant when you close off the inflows and outflows that make life interesting. Grasping for the perfect equilibrium, seeking to balance everything—the perfect workout routine, an adequate sleep schedule, friendships, pursuing your passions, having "me-time"—will never allow for that creatively wonderful force called change to shake up everything and bring a fresh start. Have faith that no change is without purpose.

[My husband, who is a constant reminder of life's true priorities.]

5 Things To Do in Your Freshman Year of College

I find myself drawn back to the memories of my freshman year. Maybe its the time of year. Maybe its that I won't be in school this year. Maybe I'm just getting old. Either way, I wanted to encourage those who are starting college soon with some advice people once gave me, advice that was actually helpful. Maybe one day I'll write down all the advice you do not need to follow (truly, you don't need to buy your own printer), but today I'll stick to this.

Here are some things to do and remember your freshman year of college:

1. Wear jeans to dinner.

Many have heard of (and feared) the Freshman 15—those pesky pounds that come from nowhere, suddenly, in the night. For starters, do not ever fear gaining weight. It can always be lost or lived with—no problem. But if you want to avoid unhealthy portions and maintain a balanced diet, try wearing jeans to dinner. Sweatpants create a false barrier of trust, a comforting illusion that no matter how many ice cream cones you eat after dinner, there will always be room for more. Unfortunately, this is not the case. Jeans give you a realistic nod that you are getting full, and won't let you eat past an unhealthy point. Plus, you'll look slightly more pulled together even at the end of a long day.

That said, I have to comment that stress, a new environment, and academic pressure can all effect someone's weight. For me, stress often meant that I couldn't stomach food—meaning I could lose weight unexpectedly. So don't add even more stress to your life if you do gain or lose 15 pounds over the course of 3 months. But know that to if you are mindful and eat well (even as tempting as late-night burgers and fries sounds) you can beat the Freshman 15.

2. Talk to your roommates before you get to know them.

Before you've curled up together to chat about the new boys at school, establish a clear understanding with your roommates about who will clean what, whose stuff is whose, and who falls asleep earlier. Doing this early on prevents the awkward readdressing of the rules later when feelings can be more easily hurt. Pushing the awkward out of the way sooner rather than later leaves room for a real relationship (free of tension) to be formed.

3. Remember that relationships are marathons, not sprints.

For many people, coming out of high school friendships, established carefully over four years, can make building friendships in college daunting and discouraging. At times, friendships can feel immediate and closer than anything you've previously experienced. Other times, you can feel isolated and alone. Remember these are both phases and neither stand as the determiner of your social life for the long haul. Looking back on the friendships maintained in the past and being patience with the ones developing for the future will make these times pass more smoothly.

4. Know that not everyone who is dating is happy.

Sometimes, as a single woman, I would look around me at the girls in relationships and assume they had it better. But, as Eleanor Roosevelt famously said, "Comparison is the thief of joy." Many relationships will form and dissolve in the first year of college. Its normal. Be there for the friends who jump into relationships head on only to have them end a few months later. That can be pretty devastating, especially if everyone else has spent those months grabbing late night burritos without you. Have compassion for those who are in over their heads rather than being jealous for the things you don't have.

5. Make friends with the staff.

One of the coolest things about going to college (especially a small one) is the interaction you can have with full-time staff. People who work in a college environment have a special interest in college students and want to see them thrive, at times giving a tremendous amount to see that happen. So interact with your RAs, RDs, and other student life staff. Chances are they actually care about you. Also, they make great role models for the professional world and can help you get connected post-college.

How do you get to know them? Volunteer for orientation and events, be available to help with odd jobs, and talk to people. Its not complicated. As a former RA, I can tell you that the people who showed up ready to help are the ones I remember the most. If you expect to be served and give nothing back, you will get nothing back.

All that to say, the best advice you can take with you into the new school year is that you are going to be okay and you can get through anything. So enjoy it for what it is and have fun.

These are just some of the things I found helpful and useful while I was in college. If you have more ideas, tips, or life-saving advice, please share.

5 Reasons to Become an English Major

I wanted to post something of an encouragement to the soon-to-be college students who are slogging through a mire of major life choices; one of the hardest being where to go to college and what to study. Unfortunately, I can't make that decision easier. But I can say that if the English major is up for consideration, there are plenty of reasons it would be a good idea. So here is a--by no means exhaustive--list of reasons to be an English major:

 

1. If you value individuality.

Most of the English majors I know are incredible individuals. They are the kind of people who are not afraid to sit and talk with anyone because they see people as individuals worth getting to know. They are into backstories and care about context--no person is entirely what they seem on the surface. The English major I know are all distinctly different yet found a common ground in the love of the language. There is truly no stereotypical English major (aside from perhaps a verbose vocabulary).

 

2. If you can't spell.

One of the most inaccurate assumptions of English majors is that we can all spell intrinsically. I am a terribly speller, yet here I am. My advice remains: read the dictionary in your spare time and use the Google search bar when the words get tricky.

 

3. If you have something to say.

Being an English major comes with--of course--the burden of essays. Lots of essays. But by my senior year I found that I could create an essay on any topic because I had a central message to convey. If you have voice and need the medium to express it, essays can turn from an assignment to a resource for expressing intelligent thought for others to appreciate. It's actually quite fun.

 

4. If you have been mentally editing this post for grammar and content mistakes.

All English majors are not Grammar Nazis. But we do care about using this language correctly for the purpose of effective communication. Grammar was not created by the grammar gods; it is found naturally in our language. As English majors, it is our job to search it out and protect it like a delicate growing flower that it is. We are the gatekeepers of the history, culture, and progress of our language. So pardon us that we care to do it right.

5. If you want to learn stuff.

When I started in my college's program, I had no idea the extensive subjects my major would cover. I assumed the major was all reading and writing, not knowing that we would discuss public policy, social justice, current events, history, pop culture, psychology, relationships, family structure, dreams, and so much more on a regular basis. To walk away with a degree in something which gave you a clearer perspective on the world and humanity could never be a bad idea. That perspective remains a steady companion regardless of jobs, career, or season of life.

No one can tell you what to do perfectly, or divine your life's true purpose--not even yourself. But what you can do is try something that will prepare you for the world, develop your selfhood, and introduce you to concepts and ideas that will fascinate you your whole life long.

Finding Freedom

I recently had a very vulnerable experience.

As an English major, I am used to submitting my words and thoughts to my professors' scrutinizing eyes. I have grown accustomed to negative feedback in the margins and thrill when I receive the grade I hoped for. But even with this familiarity with criticism, there is nothing like your most intimate thoughts undergoing review.

Since I was a child, I have crafted stories. Some of those stories only played out in my head, but nevertheless, I have always considered myself a writer of fiction. My first year in college, I submitted one of the few stories I had captured on paper to the survey of my creative writing cohort. To my surprise, they liked it. They praised it. They told me I was good enough.

Yet, as those who write will attest, one negative comment can squelch a mound of positive ones. Self-doubt is my greatest enemy, and I have been defeated more than victorious. This semester, when I submitted another creative work, my professor didn't say well done. My classmates found errors. My heart told me I failed.

How do we recover from wounds that feel like failure? How do we cope what feel like a mistake?

I have realized that succeeding in what I love is a very personal experience. No one else can tell me how or when I will feel accomplished; its internal. I remember the days of writing--the lonely hours, the late nights, the broken hearted moments--that made up that piece. To me, every word was exactly what I wanted to write and allowed me a form of expression that I couldn't find anywhere else. I didn't write it to benefit others. I wrote it because I needed to write it.

I've learned that no matter how others respond to my decisions, big or small, I have to know that I am okay with my choice--and then live with the consequences. Currently, my greatest choice every day is to follow Christ. I choose to walk with Him despite my doubts. I choose to submit to Him despite my fear. And I choose Him every day because I know that what He has for me will always be for my benefit.

When I graduate in Spring, I have another choice. I can walk a journey of justification, always explaining and reconciling my decisions to others, hoping that I always please the majority. Or I can take the path before me, even if I end up running backwards, sideways, or upside-down.

Change is good. It fuels trust, creativity, and opportunity. I look forward to beginning a life where I am allow to fall on my face and stand up again, not the least concerned that dirt still clings to my cheek.

That is freedom.

Better Than Anything

I am an aunt. This is by far one of my greatest life achievements. While, yes, its arguable that I have done nothing to earn this honor, I still value it as an important part of my identity.

When I was 18, I got a first degree black belt in Mixed Martial Arts. It took me five years of constant bruises, sore muscles, scratched cheeks, and (only one) concussion before I finally did it. I worked hard--and I was proud to do so. The day that dark piece of cloth was tied around my waist, I walked like a new woman. 

In college, I became an RA. My mother and sister had been RAs before me and the desire to be one too had been with me since I was a child. The day I got the news that I would be on the small team of eight student leaders, I felt as if I had won the spiritual lottery. The Lord has blessed me! I declared. 

Only days after receiving the news, I was hired for the first time as an employee at Hume Lake, a summer camp I had longed to work for. Not only was I going to be living in the forrest on the greatest adventure of my life, but I would be working in one of the most coveted jobs in camp. (Who doesn't want to play with babies and children all day and sleep in on the weekends?) 

The elation at gaining each new piece of my identity made me feel whole and rounded. It was like every side of my self was becoming what it ought to be, what it longed to be. 

But I am no longer concerned about those things that once gave me such excitement and purpose. Each of these pieces are still parts of who I am, but I no longer sweat with the goal of improving my boxing skills, or thrill at the idea of being an RA, or swoon to think of the adventure of being a Hume Lake Summer Staffer. Now, as a senior in college, my identity is being reworked. I am placed yet again under the steady hand of the One who made the life I loved so much in the past.

I think it is easy to be concerned about where our lives are headed. Its easy to worry that it may all flop and that we will end up unimpressive and alone. Yet when I look back at the life that God has allowed me to live, I wonder why I worry at all? Each one of those pieces of who I am are now no more daunting or terrifying than buttoning my pants or brushing my teeth. But if you ask a three-year-old to brush his teeth or button her pants, he or she is going to struggle with it. Frustration will kick in, tears may come, and certainly that child may run off bad-breathed and naked. We don't blame the child, however, but instead patiently allow for another try, another attempt, and help them put on those pants and clean that mouth appropriately. 

I never want to reach a point where I stop allowing myself to learn, to be the newbie. At one point, every major accomplishment in my life was an insurmountable task that I couldn't believe I was capable of doing. 

When God called Isaiah to preach the truth to Israel, he said something I found amazing. After years of no success, God says, 

“It is too small a thing for you to be my servant

to restore the tribes of Jacob 

and bring back those of Israel I have kept.

I will also make you a light for the Gentiles,

that my salvation may reach to the ends of the earth.” 

(Isaiah 49:6--italics my own)

God doesn't look at Isaiah and ask him to stay where he is. He calls him to bigger and greater things than he ever could have imagined. And what if Isaiah had said, "No thanks, God. I have learned how to do this whole failed ministry thing really well, and I don't feel like starting something new right now--I'm not sure it will work anyway." Had he done that, I would never have had the chance to be influenced by those words so many years later. 

As I look forward, I know my identity will change again. I will likely gain new relationships, skills, diplomas, titles, jobs, responsibilities. But what has and will never change is that I belong to a God who sees me for who I am and is not content to leave me there. I, and you, are forever being changed by God into the one we were created to be. So I will go on, contented that what is before me is better than anything I could have left behind.

For Ray

I am a writer.

If you had met me three years ago, you would understand why this sentence would never have escaped my lips. I was (am) scared of what being a writer truly means. Writing exposes. It is vulnerable. What's more, good writing is just as terrifying as bad writing because good writing demands a successor. What if I never achieve anything better than what is already my best?

But I am a writer.

This means I cannot stop writing. It is my expression, my passion, my tangible thoughts and imagination. It serves as an active telescope into my mind, giving me the chance to dance through ideas, arrange dreams, and play in my imagination.

Ray Bradbury once said that he writes "so as not to be dead" (The Illustrated Man).

Writing is not for sport, for entertainment, or for money. Writing comes from a deep desire to capture life and weigh it in our own hands, judging its contents to be fair or false. By words on pages, we not only share ideas but emotions and injustices and empathy. If writers were to stop writing and readers were to stop reading, I believe humanity itself would be absent of hope.

But I am a writer.

And by this title I accept the role I have to write and create and speak onto the page everything my heart asks of me. Ernest Hemingway wrote, "There is nothing to writing. All you do is sit down at a typewriter and bleed." What happens when I stop bleeding out my story? Will my heart give out altogether?

So I am a writer.

I write to live. I write to understand. I write because I'm afraid if I stop writing what I see in my head and think in my heart will become vague and purposeless. Yet before all the computers crash, all the pencils are burned, and every pen looses ink, I will write every word that I want to ... "so as not to be dead."

Leading in Silence

"Wherever you are, be all there" - Jim Elliot, martyred missionary.

          I recently started a journey. Only six short weeks ago, I elected to be the shoulder, the supporter, the mouthpiece, the entertainer, the rule keeper, the (right) rule breaker, the mother, and the sister of a lovable and loud group of newly minted adults; I became an RA. Along with the busy days and long nights, I have found a unique ministry in which every part of my being is useful. Whether it be counseling through laundry, boyfriends, or the greater mysteries of life, I am blessed by the opportunity to share my life with 800 other students, each of which have already taught me more than I will ever teach them. 

         As part of a class assignment, I was tasked with reading through "The Revolutionary Communicator" by Jedd Medefind and Erik Lokkesmoe. Each chapter is dedicated to a different aspect of communication within the context of Christ-like leadership. Christ sets the example, we follow. The first chapter address the importance of listening in communication. The chapter suggests that truly and actively listening not only provides us with a better understanding of those around us, but allows for us to make someone feel heard and important. 

Thinking back to the times when someone has talked with me through a difficult situation, from a minor breakup to a major tragedy, I am reminded that my place in the matter is not solely to advise, console, or fix; my role is to listen. Many times, by merely listening, I have seen a person come full circle and produce their own solution to their problem. While being truly attentive does take practice and discipline, it is far less work than riddling out others’ problem when ultimately they know the answer which they seek. Strangely enough, at the end of a conversation, I am often thanked for my help when all I have done is listen.

"To listen is an effort [...] just to hear is no merit. A duck hears also." - Igor Stravinsky, composer.

I recognize the value of being present far more now than I ever have before. Hourly, I receive emails, text messages, phone calls, calendar reminders, and countless other social media notifications all requiring my response. Does this kind of personal demand make me feel overwhelmed? Yes. But it also makes me feel needed and important. When I respond to an email promptly, I view myself as responsible, reliable, and valuable. My culture reenforces these feelings, encouraging me to purchase even more apps and planners to accommodate more and more events, meetings, classes, and programs. In all the chaos of productivity, is it possible that I stopped listening to my classmate’s weekend plans? Did I forget to wish someone a verbal “happy birthday?” Was I too busy to notice the perfect day my Creator made for me? 

As long as I chase after the illusion of importance, I will continue to forget the reality of existence. 

In response to life's demands, the chapter listed different strategies for leading a more engaged life. Most simply, we should practice actively seeing, hearing, and expressing what we see in the world around. Many people struggle in finding a sense of meaning to life. I would suggest—and I think this chapter supports this—that ministry is all around us. Without ever leaving our communities, each and every person has a chance to impact the one sitting, driving, or shopping next to them. Living with intention creates a life of purpose. While remaining silent may contradict the inner speaker's desires, the lasting impact is worth the wait.

"Attentiveness must flow sincerely from the heart. When it does, new life always follows." - Medefind and Lokkesmoe (p. 20)